1. If your sinuses haven’t turned to Nickelodeon Gak and dripped out your nose after a meal, you feel empty and unsatisfied.
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2. You have YOUR brand.
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3. Or, let’s be honest, BRANDS.
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4. You saturate everything with hot sauce before you even taste it because, come on.
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5. You have EXTREME emotions about being either pro- or anti-Tabasco.
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6. AND Sriracha. Don’t even get you STARTED on Sriracha.
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7. Your friends only made the mistake of asking for a bite of your Thai food once.
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8. You laugh in the face of threatening hot sauce names.
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9. And labels.
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10. You have a favorite flavor of Cholula.
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11. When choosing your packets at Taco Bell, you have only one request:
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12. You are solely responsible for your office’s hot sauce stash, and you curate it with the intensity of an art director at the Louvre.
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13. This is what your eggs always look like:
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14. Your co-workers ask you for advice about which kind of hot sauce to use on their lunches.
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15. Everyone else after they eat kimchee:
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16. You:
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17. Your kitchen utensils have melted under the power of the SAUCE.
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18. You carry your own personal bottle around wherever you go.
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19. You’ve eaten so much hot sauce that this is you eating those peppers at the Olive Garden:
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20. You keep at least one bottle on your desk for bland-lunch emergencies.
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21. When you spot another person dousing their food in the sauce, you’re like:
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22. This is what the backseat of your car looks like:
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23. Your friends bring you back hot sauce souvenirs from their travels.
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24. Your local restaurant server knows all about your addiction — and is always prepared.
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25. You’ve started several fights by insisting on visiting hot sauce stores when you’re on a family vacation.
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26. OR you’ve planned a whole trip around a hot sauce EXPO.
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27. You’re pretty sure your tastebuds have gone the way of Charlie Sheen’s career, but you don’t care because THIS IS LOVE.
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